1. Men are more likely to cheat than women.

Okay, so this one is not a myth but women are catching up and the divide is narrowing. This is probably due to more women working outside the home, increase use of social media, and the increase in women drinking.

2. Once a cheater always a cheater.

There is not an easy answer to this one as you will find differing opinions on this issue depending on what expert you talk to. Besides, so many factors play into why someone cheats that it is impossible to generalize and say “he/she will always cheat again.” In spite of this uncertainty, there are serial cheaters out there who probably won’t change just as there are others who will never repeat the mistake again. It’s knowing how to determine the serial cheaters from the single offenders.

3. It’s best to end the relationship after infidelity occurs.

Although at times ending the marriage is the best option, it is not always the case. Many couples who experience infidelity stay together and become stronger. It takes a lot of work to do so but if couples (and particularly the offender) are willing to thoroughly explore the reasons for why the infidelity happened and make the necessary changes it can result in a better marriage or relationship.

4. Only couples who frequently argue and fight should worry about infidelity.

It’s not the arguing and disagreements that predict infidelity but it’s more about whether a person feels valued and understood by their partner. Some couples just don’t argue much but it doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t hard feelings and resentment brooding underneath. Lack of communication regarding feelings, needs, and wants is more a predictor of infidelity. The couple that frequently fights might be communicating better than the couple that rarely fights.

5. Couples who are having consistent sex don’t cheat on each other.

Although this is a deterrent to cheating it is not a guarantee. One partner could still feel that sex isn’t happening frequently enough if their sex drives are different. Also, even if a couple is having sex on a regular basis one or both parties could be dissatisfied with the sex. Sex can become boring and routine for one or both partners or may lack the intimacy that one partner needs. Therefore, he/she may look outside the relationship to fulfill that need.

If you are tired of feeling guilty about how much you drank the previous night and would like to better manage your drinking there are some effective strategies available.  Just to be clear these strategies are for those people who are generally well-functioning but feel that their drinking habits have escalated to a point where they feel they need to pull back but have been unsuccessful in doing so.  The National Institute on Alcohol and Alcohol Abuse (NIAAA) defines low-risk drinking for women as no more than 3 drinks on any single day and no more than 7 drinks per week. For men, it is defined as no more than 4 drinks on any single day and no more than 14 drinks per week. NIAAA research shows that only about 2 in 100 people who drink within these limits have an alcohol disorder.

1. Set specific drinking-limit goals.

Use the S.M.A.R.T goal technique to set goals that are Specific, Measureable, Assignable, Realistic, and Time Based.  An example of a S.M.A.R.T. goal would be something like, “I will drink no more than three times a week and have no more than 2 drinks on any one occasion.” In addition, write your goal down and post it on the refrigerator as a daily reminder.  You might also want to tell others of your goal to make you more accountable and to elicit support from others to help you stay true to your goals.

2. Measure your drinks.

Many of us underestimate the amount we drink as we have a remarkable ability to deceive ourselves.  One glass of wine is 5 ounces.  A beer is 12 ounces. A shot of liquor is 1.5 ounces.  If you are drinking wine pour it first in a measuring cup before putting it in your wine glass. Measure your liquor using a shot glass. You might be surprised with the results.  Unfortunately if you are out at a bar or restaurant you have less control. Most higher-end places are more accurate with their pours and will follow the above rules.

3. Eliminate triggers

Figure out the triggers that intensify your desire to drink.  It could be something as simple as the time of day.  Maybe 5:00 is your trigger to start drinking.  If so change your routine so that you are doing something else at 5:00, such as an exercise class.  In other words you will need to change your routine enough around 5:00 that it eliminates the trigger. If your trigger is that your drink too much while out socializing with others then try drinking water between drinks or discover new types of mocktails to enjoy.  In other words, don’t try to use willpower alone against your strong triggers.  Instead replace the habit of drinking with an alternative healthy response, preferably one that allows you to feel good and not deprived.

The people I know who have been successful with reducing their drinking are always surprised how much better they feel on a daily basis when they drink less. They are additionally surprised that they can still enjoy social events without having to get drunk and sloppy.

Conflict with our significant other is unavoidable. No two people are the same and so it is inevitable that we will have disagreements. The amount of conflict within a relationship does not necessarily determine the success or failure of the relationship. What is most important is how conflict is handled and resolved when it does come up. Here are a few tips that I have found helpful.

1. When angry, don’t blame, insult or degrade your partner. You can’t take those angry statements back and most people don’t forget those angry words thrown at them. Instead, talk about how their BEHAVIOR makes you feel. If you are angry at your significant other for not picking up after themselves then explain to him/her how that makes you feel, i.e., I feel like your maid when I have to go around picking up after you and then I get resentful toward you. Once you have voiced how you both feel about an issue proceed to #2
2. Focus on finding a solution to the problem instead of trying to be right. This is a subtle but important point to remember as it can substantially change the tone and outcome of an argument. It’s easy to blame our partner and feel anger and resentment but that doesn’t resolve the issue that initially got you angry. Take some time to figure out how to prevent this from happening again or you will end up fighting this fight in the future. And, remember to compromise. If you are a clean-freak and your spouse isn’t then it is unreasonable to expect him/her to meet your standards of cleanliness.
3. During conflict with your spouse stay focused on the specific issue that started the conflict. Do not bring up all the previous transgressions your partner has made over the past 25 years! It’s difficult to resolve current conflict if you begin talking about all the past things that each of you did to one another. If there are unresolved issues from the past then set aside a specific time to discuss them but it should not be in the middle of an argument about something else that is unrelated.
4. While in a conflict do not threaten a divorce or to end the relationship (unless your partner committed an egregious act). Those serious types of statements should not be made in the heat of the moment and can be viewed as manipulative. A serious decision to end a relationship should be made while one is calm and level-headed.
5. Keep in mind the big picture. Disagreements are a normal part of relationships and when handled correctly they can make a relationship stronger. Remind yourself that this is just one of many arguments you have had and will have during your time together. That can help keep things in perspective.